my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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