can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
