I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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