party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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