Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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