I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
