I'm drive I can fine osifer
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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