I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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