Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize