My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize