i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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