i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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