Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
