i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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