Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't deserve a penis
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize