You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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