This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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