Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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