Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?