People in love make me want to vomit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.