the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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