Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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