I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
