I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
