Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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