her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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