I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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