Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
