Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod