you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?