Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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