the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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