I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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