I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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