Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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