Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man