I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
