I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize