Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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