Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
