please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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