You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
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Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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