Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
