PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize