one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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