Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
