i permit you to call me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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