it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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