I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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