So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
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My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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