I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
