My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!