And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??