you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.