I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go