i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.