I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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